Story of my life Part 1.

Well I suppose I start this by writing about myself.  so here we go. 

 I was born William Roger Wheeler in Indiana Pennsylvania September the 11th 1972.
My Mother Georgianna, My Father William Earl Wheeler. 

My early childhood I don't remember much of, though others tell me they remember things from then I think must be impossible.  The few memories I have of my early childhood is of my best friend.  Heather and her family.  Our parents were close friends and we became as siblings with each other.  A friendship that remains the same now as it did then.  And unfortunately a status I fall into all too often.  The big brother role.  Part of the reason I do not remember much of this time is because around the age of 7 my Fathers abusive nature towards my mother became more damaging, and she could not live with him anymore.  Fleeing first to his mothers place for help, then her friends, and ultimately taking me to Alaska to her Mother and fathers home, till she could get settled in a new life. 

My mother securing  job and making a new home for us in Anchorage, sent for me again the next year from my Grandparents.  This seems to begin the memories of my childhood.  I was mostly happy.  Mom worked very hard as a single mother to provide for us.  I had so many problems with anger and was not the best of kids.   I would hurt others when I didnt get my way, and was prone to hurting myself when I got angry.  Mostly I was a very lonely child.  I had some friends, but not as I have come to learn others having friends today.  generally I was the kid that was picked on, or shoved, or not really liked unless they could get something from me.  Generally I was alone most of the time after school, and I played alone.   Up until about 6th grade.  I got my first real friend.  Mikey.  he lived within eyesight of my home but it was a few blocks away.  That area became my playground on our bicycles.  We tore through the apartment complexes, we played Atari, lol we got into all kinds of trouble together.  the first real friend I had in Alaska.  However come jr High We went to different schools, and I was back to being alone again. 
My summers were spent up north at my grandparents place and there were not many people my age there.  so I had a huge vista to play in.  An entire Valley ride bikes, make forts, rope climb, swim, and just have imaginary adventures.  At that time there was no TV in Cantwell.  just the collection of movies my Uncle had on beta and Laserdisc.  Which that library of films became my staple of programing every summer.  i grew to know it well.  Classic movies from RKO, and MGM.  Adventure stories on beta like Rocket men of the Moon, or Tom Corbett Space cadet, Space Patrol.  All classics from the 40s, & 50s.  A interesting conversation starter with many from my elder generation even today.  "your too young to know that!"  often the beginning of a conversation.  lol  I also grew to love the old radio shows like Abbott and Costello, and Jack Benny, The Great Gildersleave...  this all kinds of things from my uncles childhood.  That became staples of my youth. 

When I would go back to school that did more to divide me from my peers.  while others talked about MTV or whatever they did over the summer.  I talked about adventures running from Cave to fort to cliffs, and swinging from ropes over canyons, and swimming in rivers.  But mostly I was picked on and teased again and again.  I fought back, and in the end became the monster that my Father was.  Its something I hold back even today, for at times the Rage within me burns, and I have to walk off the anger or frustration.  cool down.   A practice I had to learn early in life out of survivability.  I came to a point that as punishment the principal put me to work under adult supervision in the school.  first in the admin office, then in the Library.  And again I am separated from peers.  So instead I got skilled with equipment.  Anything electronic I was good with.  And thus the beginning of a hobby that I had hoped at one time in my life would be a career.

By the time I was in my last year in Jr Highschool I had a few close friends, but in reality they were also some of my worst influences.  Indeed Ryan the one I was closest too started off being one of the guys that used to beat me up a lot and used to run from.  Till I finally stood up to him.  then after we became friends.  And some more added our group together.  5 of us going to the our Freshman year in a new school, made things easier.  I remember that year as being rather good.  the Group started becoming a KIND of gang, though not a gang by todays standards.  our friends, their girlfriends, and our parents...  But every summer I was returned to my grandparents to be watched after.  that always hurt some because I would loose my friends every year and I would not know if I would come back to the same thing every school year. 

The Beginning of 10th grade I found out I would be moving because my mother was being transferred to California.  Both excited and sad, I let my friends know, and that last few weeks were wonderful.  lost of late night game playing and other trouble...  1 qtr I had to move to my grandparents place to go to school while my mother moved to CA.  that was the worst exp.  I hated it there.  but thankfully it was short.  At least it was a small school and I was the oldest there.  So I didnt have to deal with anything from them.  I just kept to myself.  They tried to include me in things.  Even did a school play with them.  But I knew I was leaving so I didnt care that much.

California. L.A.  Hollywood.  lol  Dream right?  no...  by this time I was 16 and was driving in Alaska, but in California I could not even get a permit yet.  So I stayed on my Alaska Drivers License for 2 years while down there to be able to get around.  My mom and I were living in San Pedro, real close to Ports of Call.  At the time I thought that was the coolest place ever.  But there was a very odd feeling there.  I didn't go out much.  I was mostly inside or at school.  Or off on some adventure driving around.  Going to the VERY old San Pedro highschool was different.  I absolutely went into a shell there.  the cultural difference was crazy to me.  I didn't know how to deal with it.  And I felt I was defiantly from teh wrong side of the tracks.  Especially when I would go up to palos verdes and see the kids my age all having a blast in their fantastic cars and nice hangouts and fabulous girlfriends.   Places if I dared to show my face around I was told to leave cause I was not welcome there cause I lived in San Pedro.  So I would mostly hang out after school over in Redondo Beach where my mother worked.  A sanctuary if you will.  But all too quick, just months after gettting settled in, it was all over.  my mother lost her job. 

Through a series of circumstances a friend of hers also came down to California and started working at the Universal Sharaton with her daughter Tami.  So for a few weeks we lived with them there.  And they conspired to get a house together someplace in the Valley.  Which we did.  The Girls took the house.  I lived in the garage.  And I started my 11th year of highschool at my last highschool.  James Monroe in Sepulveda.  This time I came in not wanting to be the bottom of the barrel again.  but because it was a fresh year, we were all kind of starting out fresh.  That first semester was bad.  lol  I was arrogant, mean, I was the bully.  someone tried to get next to me I either ignored them or worse shoved them out of my way.  I was determined I was not taking shit from anyone again.  Thank God my teacher Mrs Graiser who straightened my ass out.  She told me that I think i am hot shit, well she didn't care she was going to fail my ass anyway and I would be stuck there forever or drop out and be a bum.  that was that...  the next semester I cleaned up my act.  I got involved with the computer lab and help setup the lab with a grant we received.  That year I also found my other private passion.  Photography.  Tom Kwock.  lol  Truely a mentor and a friend.  And in that class I met the friends I became close too in my 11th year.  but the unfortunate thing was they were seniors, I was not.  so eventually I started over again. 

Senior year.  I came in with a job at the school in the computer lab, College credits at Cal State northridge for Student teaching, And had the last 2 hour of the day in advanced photography.  It was the best year.  but very lonely.  I had never had a girlfriend.  seems I was never anyplace long enough to have one.  there were many I was interested in.  But I was never much to look at.  so it was hard to attract their attention.  One I had a secret infatuation with.  she never knew it.  But in the last few months I found her again.  It was quite nice to catch up with her and know she was happy.  She was beautiful, Smart, very camera shy, kinda tough in her own way.  And the funny thing she was on Yearbook committee.  I always knew she was unattainable, but anything she wanted I was sure to jump at the chance to work with her.  lol  but come my last 3 months of my senior year I was given a news that was very very hard on me.  I was happy for the 1st time in a very long time.  And i wanted to graduate with the friends I made my senior year.  But My moms friends had to leave California with her daughter, and we could not afford the house rent ourselves.   we ended up moving out to Antelope Valley.  I told 1 person.  Mr Kwock.  Who said to me.  Bill whos to say unless you tell them?  its just a few months.  If you want to stay, Stay.  So I commuted every day to the valley to go to school and then turn around and drove back.  After school activities became a thing of the past, and girlfriends.  lol  well I doubt they were ever an option anyway.  but that was not happening.  Homecoming came and went, and I kept it a secret why I never asked anyone.  Prom, senior events, football games.  no sign of me.  I focused on my work.  and by the time my last few weeks of school came around I was mostly alone again.  I just kept to myself, with occasional happy moments with people I grew to care about. 

Graduation.  My family from Alaska came down for the event.  it was a long day.  the drive in, the hubbaloo getting ready, all my friends wishing each other goodbye.  A lot of crying, a lot of excitement.  And then it was done.  The charade was over.  Diploma in hand.  Class of 1991.  the end of one life, the beginning of another.

Thats a not so brief overview, of course there were other things and events, but essentially that was who I was through that time. Part 2 will be from this time till the northridge quake, and back to Alaska.  This begins a lot of painful memories and may take a while to write.  but I will.  Hopefully by the end you will know why I wanted this somewhere in cyberspace. it may never bee seen.  Others may not care.  I just wanted something to say I was. And this is what I felt.